(Photo submitted as evidence at trial. Re-printed courtesy San Diego District Attorneys Office)

Here are the details of my ongoing battle with Santa. Please do not judge too harshly. It all began with a letter...

To: Mr. Kristopher Kringle
(A.K.A. Santa Clause, Father Christmas, Pere Noel, et al)
C/O North Pole Toy Manufacturing, LTD.
1 Cold Place. Suite #1
North American Continent Polar Region, 10095

From: Eric J. Kiser
San Diego, CA 92037

RE; Service Issues

Dear Sir,

I have been a regular client for many years and, for the most part, have been satisfied with the services you provide. This year however I feel compelled to bring to your attention a number of issues that have been bothering me for a while now.

First, As you, I am also in a profession where I deal with the public on a regular basis and have found myself struggling to remember names. But it seems you struggle more than I with this issue because every time I stop to chat with you at the mall, or when I see you ringing your bell outside one of those big box stores, you have consistently failed to remember who I am, where I'm from or my order history with your organization. I have provided this information to you literally hundreds of times over the years and I'm beginning to think you have either "Early Onset Alzheimer's" or do not possess the "Know if I am sleeping or know if I'm awake... know if I've been Bad or Good" ability you claim in your advertising campaign. For Goodness Sake, Santa! A simple shot of B12 once a month would do wonders for your memory problems. At the very least you might consider a good database software system to help you with the details.

Second, for many years I have assumed your organization had a strong quality assurance department based on the so-called accuracy of a "double-checked" list. But, for the last few years, even though I have endeavored to be as nice as humanly possible, I have not received the specific item I requested in my annual correspondence with you. While I understand the economy is still recovering from the great recession, I have accepted, without complaint, those items left under my tree as substitutions. This year I wish to make my position completely clear. If I do not receive the item I have requested, I am strongly considering bringing legal action against your organization. I am sure neither one of us wishes to engage in a protracted legal battle, but I want to be crystal clear -- this is not a bluff. Please bring the gift I have requested or provide a detailed written report as to the naughtiness that prompted the denial.

Third, I believe in the 21st century it is a highly unsatisfactory for an organization such as yours not to have an "on-line" web presence with e-commerce capability (including "shopping cart" and "request confirmation" functionality). You do not even have a "Contact Us" email address as most other service providers offer. I believe this could go a long way towards resolving whatever problems you are having with the Quality Assurance department referenced above.

And finally - Fourth, the last time we spoke (outside Costco.... a week ago...!!!) you revealed to me that your staff, those world famous Elves we hear so much about, do not posses the skills necessary, therefor cannot supply me with the item I have been requesting lo these many years. I would like to remind you that it is your responsibility to employ a competent staff and provide an adequate training program for your employees. You might consider spending more time training them yourself, or you could look at hiring an outside consulting firm to help in this area. Either way it is your name on the door, sir, and it is your reputation that suffers from the lack of skilled tradesman in your employ. This "capability gap" will eventually have a negative impact on the amount of market share you're used to controlling.

In closing, I realize that Christmas is a very busy time of year, especially for somebody in your profession. However, from someone with your reputation, the general public does expect a bit more. I am willing to give you and your agency one last opportunity to make the corrections outlined in this letter. But if I do not see tangible improvements by Dec. 26, 2016, you can expect to hear from my attorney.

Warmest Holiday Regards,
Eric J. Kiser

PS- just so there is no confusion regarding the item on my "wish list", I will re-state it here; For as long as I can remember I have been asking you for a monkey. Not an orangutan, not a guerilla. A MONKEY. Please "triple check" that list of yours and I am confident you will see I have not been overly naughty during the last 12 months. But, if for any reason you feel I am not particularly "Monkeyworthy", I hereby formally request you let me know before the holiday to avoid any confusion.
Thank you in advance. - EJK

(To Be Continued)

(This visually
impaired writer teaches Spanish at the San Diego Braille Institute for the Blind. One of the group, a lady from Greece, whose mother was Swiss, allowed us to include French in the class. Quite suddenly, she was taken from us. This is a tribute.)

Stacey, we called her – what a gal!

Stately was more like it – more like an Old World pal.

In Spanish class, she
was Usted, never, tú;

Because of her
persona, it was the right thing to do.

She lived in an era
of white gloves and hats;

When she was a child,
dandies wore spats.

She came from a
Europe that's now in the books.

Before the Swastika and master-race kooks;

A blend of two
peoples, in language she thrived.

Throw in the piano –
no jive –

The classics enthralled
her – Mozart and Chopin.

Her world was
elegance – yes, pearls in a strand.

She showed breeding
all over;

Was polite in speech;

A painting in clover;

But, not out of
reach.

Her warm, human nature

Embraced you on
sight.

In Braille
nomenclature,

See you, she might.

But, still, in her
presence,

You always felt warm.

There was something
about her –

Her still, quiet
charm.

Adieu, Stacey, cherie,

Adiós, goodbye
–

But, no –
au revoir to thee,

'Til we
meet, bye and bye.

Cuba’s history began when Christopher Columbus, after partially sailing around its endless coastline, pronounced it to be the mainland of Cathay (China). He never set foot on mainland North America. As a late-late comer, British/USA North America’s history in some ways parallels and intersects with that of Cuba’s. Both nations exploited human beings and immersed the importance of that exploitation in telling the story of their evolution. Both tales are black, white and grey in substance; those involved are also Black, White and other people of varied combinations of ethnicity.

The jubilant scenes in Miami’s Little Havana, celebrating the demise of Fidel Castro, probably resemble those throughout the Confederacy after the Lincoln assassination. The celebrants in both cases were deprived of status, property and dominion over other humans. In Cuba’s case, the iron chains long had been lifted from the human chattel, but the social and economic restraints still were well in evidence. As a matter of fact, that is a part of the panoply of events that led to the rise of the Castroites.

Cuban President Fulgencio Batista had permitted U.S. gambling and other tourist-attraction interests’ carte blanche in Havana’s hotels, gin mills and brothels. All of this was at the expense of the Cuban people, whose roll it was to support this foreign takeover. In the meantime, the Guajiros in the mountains were going unfed and uneducated. Although many Cubans are racially mixed (including the then-president), those of obvious African origin were banned from the capital city’s beaches.

The U.S. supported the victorious Castro for a while. After the U.S. rejection, Castro announced that he always had been a socialist, and that one day history would absolve him. Castro went on to institute free education and medical care for all. After eliminating racial segregation and declaring social equality, the moneyed folks began their exodus to Miami. They finally are free of their nonagenarian tormentor.

Since Castro, Cuba has gone from the bottom to the top of nations with regard to literacy. With its concentration on healthcare for all, Cuba has so many doctors that it farms them out to other nations. When our southeast cities were ravaged by hurricane-induced flooding, offers by Cuba to send doctors were rejected.

After the Obama efforts to normalize relations with Cuba, who knows what steps the incoming administration may take. However it may go – with or without Fidel Castro – the Cuban people will survive. They are a hardy lot.

***** ***** *****

A Cuban by name of Fidel
Once caused Uncle Sam lots of hell.
Now he’s gone away;
What more’s there to say –
“Adiós; hope Old Nick treats you well”?

O Israel!

Thy fight is not with the static, impoverished Palestinian.

Why struggle with that wretched, thin strip of desert from which thou departed in
ancient times?

Left behind, buried there, is the sandy hue of thy discarded hide..

Thou spreadest thyself among European nations, which became more and more transfixed
by thy rejected son.

Even whilst thou became integral amongst those people, the incompatibility of the
Crucifix and the Menorah formed a wedge which drove thee from border to shore.

Ultimately, the vitriol terminated in an unconscionable attempt to eradicate thy earthly
presence.

This was not a Palestinian doing.

Thy just ire is unjustly directed.

The lands thou rightly should be seeking to inhabit should be the lands wherein
thou wast a part of the culture; the lands of those whose tongues thou spoke;
the lands where – other than the fact that thy Bible ended with the Old
Testament, thou wert but one among many.

That is where thy anger truly lies!

There is where thy significant, national strength in arms should be directed.

There within lies thy righteous claim -- not with those innocent, desert dwellers
whose simple life and culture thou abandonest centuries ago!

Thou canst not revert thy second exodus so radically.

O Israel!

Thy poor Palestinian cousin and the least of thee remained where the sun baked the
sand and their skin, and for centuries have shared their arid fellowship.

Thy renewed claim of return and ownership is false.

Go, takest back what truly was stolen from thee.

Go, reclaimest thy European culture, language, expropriated property and lands.

What seekest thee there, in those worthless sands?!