In some cultures, it is completely normal and understood that Atheism is the state in which all humans are born. Some people are open to experience and new ideas. Better yet, some people are simply more understanding of the natural world. Unfortunately in the Midwest, where I am from, Atheism is not only considered a sin worse than murder, it is misunderstood on many different levels. Growing up in what is labeled by Americans as "The Bible Belt" there is not too much room for diversity, freedom of personal thought, difference in opinion, and especially the occasional questioning of authority. Of course, to hear it from them, they are open, honest, forgiving, loving, and everything else their preachers tell them to be. But trust me, this is not the case with the majority of the people who live in small Christian communities. No child should have to go through what I went through as a child who grew up in Farmington, Missouri amongst the rigid belief systems of those who were supposed to be kind and forgiving.
Childhood is a very confusing time as it is. As a child, parents hit you for hitting, smoke but tell you how bad it is, and allow any alcoholic off the street to watch you just so they can have a night out. Well, it was confusing for me at least. My confusion was a bit different and it set in very early when I was forced kicking and screaming to church every Sunday morning. I did not like Sunday school because the girl with the prettiest dress would always get the most attention from the Sunday school teachers, and I hated church because I had ADHD, which at that time was just called being a "rotten kid." I did not want to sing, I did not want to pray, and I certainly did not want to hear about a big magical boat that held an incredible amount of animals, with no explanation of how.
I was considered "odd" by pretty much everyone I knew. I did not like getting dressed for Easter Sunday, I did not understand the relevance or importance of Christmas, and my favorite holidays were Halloween and Thanksgiving. I did not want to go to family gatherings in order to visit with people who did not like who I was and did not understand me. I always had the feeling of not belonging in my family, but in particular I was called names directly by my Sunday school teachers who insisted I not come back to class unless I promised not to ask any more questions which were considered "seeding hate amongst the class." I would ask things like, "How do you know God is for real?" and "What about dinosaurs? How do they fit into the picture?" Of course, I promised and shut up for awhile at the threatening request of my parents. It made me want to scream, and usually I did. Guess which child I am:
My parents then sent me to Jesus Camp, two years in a row, and from that experience I am certain I understand how death row inmates must feel as they are walking to the execution chamber. Yes, it really was that bad. It was not horrible because of the religious element; it was awful because of the social ridicule and hate elements. Keep in mind that my Sunday school teachers and classmates already did not like me, but my parents thought it was a good idea to make me go an entire week and stay in an old cabin with these same people.. twice. I was wrongly accused of stealing, cussing, and then of course lying since I told them I did not do it. If I would have done it, I would admit it now at least, but these accusations were only a way to isolate me from the people who did not like me. I was made to stay in the cabin during most of the day so the teachers did not have to put up with me. Discriminating, intolerant, ignorant, and overall bad people is what I saw as a child; today, I see them the same way only I have added a few adjectives.
It was when I was around 8 years of age that I realized I simply did not fit in with the people who were around me. I had different ideas, I questioned how people could believe in something without proof or evidence of any kind, I wondered where we really came from and why, I thought of planets and science instead of magic and fables. This feeling only became stronger and stronger throughout middle and high school; therefore I had many acquaintances but no real friends to speak of. It was very hard to try to understand people who went to church every Sunday and actually liked it, but I am certain no one liked me much because I would ask too many questions about their belief system. There was no connection to me and other people because of the fundamental difference in belief. I would often sit alone in class and get bitter as well as upset about how everyone around me was a part of something. I even thought about lying and saying I believed in God and start going to church events in order to feel like a part of something.
I remained alone, misunderstood, hated, and made fun of by other people, but that actually never bothered me the most. Even being considered to be lower-class than the rest of my extended family and worthless by some people did not truly bug me. What really hit me at the core was that when I attempted to explain myself in a rational, kind, and loving way to anyone who took it upon themselves to ask me about what I believed, I was always met with contempt, hate, and angst. The people, who preached to me my entire life about how God is the most important thing in the world because He shows love, were lacking the substance of which they were spewing. And this is the main reason I became Atheist, again. It is because the people who tried to make me believe in the fairytale never stopped to consider that I may be a person who simply does not need magic, stories, and fanciful wishes in order to be happy in life. The religion, above all else in my childhood, created social strain that is still very hard to look back on as an adult. The religion caused my family not to like me, my friends to make fun of me, and my small little world cave in around me. Realizing the fact that you are all alone in the world as an adult is scary, but realizing it all alone in bed at night when you are 8 years old is frightening. If a small child can work through issues without using a magic band-aid once a week, then adults can too. If God was that great and heals all, then why do people have to keep going back week after week, year after year? I know people who feel better after only three visits with their psychiatrist.
I have found people in my adult life who share similar interests but I am still confronted every day with hateful, arrogant, ignorant, and spiteful people who claim their ideas are the right ideas and their God will somehow save me from my wickedness. I have to hear Christmas music begin to play on radio stations and grocery store PA systems three months before the holiday. I have to hear "bless you" every time I sneeze and "I will pray for you" when someone finds out I am having a hard day. I am faced with billboard after billboard advertising church after church in my community every day I drive through town. I have to see a church on every other corner, as well as "Jesus Forgives" and the Ten Commandment signs in yards. I stop at traffic and see Christian bumper stickers, though someone rips off my Darwin fish magnet within a day each time I get one on my vehicle. And then, in the comfort of my own home where I think I can relax and have a good night, I get online to read how persecuted Christians are.
I am Atheist because I live life to its fullest, I do not have double standards, I have genuine love, I have sincere thoughts and emotions, I respect the beliefs and opinions of others, I enjoy helping others, and I do it all without a make believe reward system in place.
