BARACK: This is the Oval Office.
HILLARY: Not for long! Yo, Barry, mah Niggah, ‘sup?
BARACK: Who is this?
HILLARY: This is Hil; and I’m high on hubris.
BARACK: Who? High on what?
HILLARY: Don’t play cutesy with me, Barry, baby. Unass that chair!
BARACK: What chair?
HILLARY: The one you’re sittin’ in – I’m on my way over.
BARACK: Over where?
HILLARY: Haven’t you heard? Hil’s been hoisted to the heights!
BARACK: What are you talkin’ about? The election’s not over.
HILLARY: It must be true what they say about that oval bubble; nothing in – nothing out.
BARACK: What oval bubble?
HILLARY: The one I’m about to bust open, Bub, and get rid of those ugly, ugly drapes!
BARACK: What drapes?
HILLARY: The ones currently offending Hillary’s Hard-ass Hovel.
BARACK: Hard-ass... What the hell are you talkin’ about?
HILLARY: It’s over! His own House Leader says he doesn’t exist. That means there’s nobody to vote for on their side.
BARACK: Are you high?
HILLARY: Yup – and I’ll be the first one of those thingees Donald said to occupy that chair you’re sittin’ in, Baby!
BARACK: You must be with that candidate from the Libertarian Party.
HILLARY: Bingo! Old GarJo and me decided to discuss Aleppo and world leaders. When he drew a blank, he decided to light up a blunt.
BARACK: A what?
HILLARY: Don’t play innocent. After that, we just talked about me and the drapes. Garry thinks they’re ugly, too.
BARACK: What does Jill Stein think... -- What the hell am I talkin’ about?
HILLARY: Now, that’s the ticket, Barry, Baby. Even Jill’s conceded (yeah, I know that’s a stretch) she says Glenn Beck’s endorsement gives holdouts permission to vote for me.
BARACK: That doesn’t mean the election’s over.
HILLARY: Poor bubble-baby Barry. Look, I’m on my way over. Do me a solid, willya?.
BARACK: What?
HILLARY: Before I get there, put a big sign over the door that says:
HILLARY’S NO-FRILLS HARD-ASS HOVEL
Hold on, Barrykins, baby! Here is the miracle cure for your persistent case of it-ain’t-over-yet-itis:
While still confusing his adoring multitudes with being the subjects of genuine, scientific opinion polls and blood-and-flesh voters – and simultaneously and curiously threatening those who fail to vote for him – the Trumpster, this moment, fervently evoked the rapturous throngs, en masse, to descend upon the voting booths, promptly, on the nationally dedicated election day of November TWENTY-EIGHTH!!!
