I requested a reprint of my below dialog, which appeared in this space two years ago. I did so, not to boast of any great prescience on my part, rather to demonstrate how any one of us easily could have extrapolated into the Oval Office the overblown antics of a 71-yer-old man-child.

What I could not have anticipated – nor probably you – is the real president’s unerring subservience to Vladimir Putin and the Russians! His globe-hovering hand-dance with the Saudis is another unexpected dichotomy.

I did, however, nail his disdainful, dismissive attitude to our allies and his fellow Republicans

Trump mushroom cloud


The Trump presidency, as IFZ predicted on 9-11-15

The promise of every U.S. president, time immemorial: I am going to shake up Washington. When on the first day the curtain is pulled back, his eyes gloss over, his body adjusts to the crib-comfort of the executive chair – then, he becomes Mr. President. Not so with a President Trump...

TRUMP: Tell the captain of Trump Air to get ready to leave for Moscow in an hour.
AIDE: But, Mr. President, we have Air Force One.

TRUMP: Mothball that piece of shit!
AIDE: Is this for the meeting with Mr. Vladimir Putin?

TRUMP: Yeah -- I don’t need to look into his eyes to know what that Commie crook’s soul is up to – and he’d better be wearing a shirt!
AIDE: Will that be all, Mr. President?

TRUMP: No. Get the press secretary in here.
PRESS SECRETARY: Yes, Mr. President?

TRUMP: Look, Babe, remember how you got your job. This is the way I want you to handle press conferences: First of all, throw out all those stupid briefing books. Now, as for all those inquisitive news idiots. You and me are going to be connected in real time – Screw it; I’ll handle all the press conferences myself.
AIDE: Mr. President, the leaders of the House and Senate are on the line.

TRUMP: What the hell do they want? – Send ‘em a check.
AIDE: Mr. President, they would like to have lunch in order to discuss the Russian matter.

TRUMP: Tell ‘em I’m on my way to Moscow, and the problem will be fixed by the time I get back.
AIDE: Mr. President, they say the trade package has strings attached.

TRUMP: Strings! The only strings I know about are the lines of cash their handlers have attached to their asses for them to get elected!
AIDE: Mr. President, they say that Mr. Putin is shifty; that one never knows what he may be thinking.

TRUMP: Shifty, my ass! That KGB lackey wants what they want – money and power. So do I – but, since I’ve got all the money in the world, and now that I’ve got all the power in the world. I’ll take care of that asshole Putin.
AIDE: Mr. President, the Secretary of State is on the line.

TRUMP: What’s his problem?
SECRETARY OF STATE: Mr. President, we have just received an ultimatum from ISIL.

TRUMP: Get me the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
JCS CHAIRMAN: Yes, Mr. President?

TRUMP: Look, I want those ISIS people – or ISIL – whatever the hell you call ‘em – to be put out of business, post haste!
JCS CHAIRMAN: But, Mr. President, that would require the use of all of our resources.

TRUMP: What do you mean?
JCS CHAIRMAN: Well, we would have to place carrier fleets in the region and make use of all of our special forces.

JCS CHAIRMAN: Well, Mr. President, we also would have to consult with our allies and with various states in the region.

TRUMP: Allies – SCHMAL-lies! Screw ‘em! All they do is hold us back. In the end, we do most of the spending and the dying. As far as those rag-head pretenders in the area are concerned, they’d still be eating desert dirt if we hadn’t shown ‘em how to get the oil out of the ground. Screw them, too. All they want is not to get their skirts dirty.
JCS CHAIRMAN: But, Mr. President, are you suggesting we go this alone?

TRUMP: Alone is all we got, you schmuck! Where the hell have you been hiding for the last 70 years? You must be aware that we are the only ones with carrier fleets capable of patrolling all the continents on this earth. Didja notice? -- Since Hiroshima and Nagasaki, no one doubts that we will incinerate them.
JCS CHAIRMAN: But, Mr. President...

TRUMP: As a matter of fact, tell those puling politicians – the ones worried about Iran and the bomb – not to concern themselves with those loudmouthed camel-jockeys. All they want is to stick the bomb down their dress and pretend –- just like that North Korean kook.
JCS CHAIRMAN: But, Mr. President...

TRUMP: Israel is not worried about those bastards – no matter what they say. They have more nukes than you can shake a stick at. As soon as those guys even look like they’re gonna light up, Israel would turn their desert into glass.
JCS CHAIRMAN: But, Mr. President...

TRUMP: Is Air Trump ready?
AIDE: Yes, Mr. President, and the helicopter is on the pad.

TRUMP: Good. I can’t wait to stare down that Commie bastard. H-m-m-m...it’s big enough. How does Trump Red Square Tower sound?

Curtis W. Long

Curtis W. Long

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