A friend told her he was dying and that he wanted to talk to her one last time. It had been 38 years since she had seen him or heard his voice. Thirty eight, peaceful, happy years. Instinct told her not to respond. What did she owe him? It had taken years to get her self-esteem back after their relationship. Despite the passage of time some scenes in her head still made her cringe with shame and embarrassment. Why should she feel ashamed, she wasn't the one who was mean and cruel? The shame came from her anger at herself for allowing herself to stay and tolerate him and not leave sooner.
Today she would be able to tell him, "No, you don't tell me what I want. I want what I want. I have a right to want it and I will govern myself, not you or anyone else." But at 15 ½ she didn't have that courage or self-confidence. Instead she bowed her head like a scolded child.
"Okay, I will contact him. Now could be my opportunity to put things right. I could express these feelings and thoughts that I shoved into the attic of my mind." She thought.
She would start with, "I don't think we have the same memory of that time. This is how I recall it."
He asked a young girl out. A young girl who had been left behind by another boy. She was lonely because she had only been living in a new country for 2 years so she wasn't surrounded by childhood friends, in fact, she only had one. Her one friend encouraged and cajoled her to go out with him. So she did. She hoped for the best. He was popular, everyone knew who he was. This was her way of being accepted into a group to meet and make new friends."
How many women know how sweet and romantic an abuser is in the first few weeks and months? Too many. They start playing on their minds immediately and the young woman doesn't know. They have never met someone like this before. They rain attention on the woman at first. Occasionally little comments are made and the brain discards them as insignificant. "He didn't mean that. He has been so nice. I must have misunderstood."
That's how it starts. Out of 2 years she had 4 or 5 months of happiness, not a fair balance. Yes, she would remind him that she cried regularly for 18 months. Sometimes in front of him (like at the miniature golf course when he ridiculed her in front of his friends) but mostly in her room. Alone. And why was she alone? She will refresh his memory. She was alone because she was waiting for him to call, waiting for him to come over, waiting for him to take her out. He was with his friends telling them what a pest she was, how demanding she was, how annoying. He was teaching her a lesson. It was his job to teach her the proper way to respect a man (as if he was a man) because her parents hadn't done a very good job of it.
"I will let you know when I need you."
"Don't call me. It is my job to call you and if I have something to say to you I will call. Otherwise, don't bug me."
"If I want to go out I will come and get you and you need to be ready because I am not going to wait."
"I don't want to see any of your stupid movies. We'll see the ones I want because I know better."
"My dad is right, when you tell a chick you love them, they think they own you."
Apparently, the mind retains everything. She hadn't thought of those things he had said for 38 years and now, here they were coming to the front of her brain in brilliant color and surround sound. Pretty soon, family and friends started making comments, "Why do you let him talk to you that way?" OR "You need to stick up for yourself." Unfortunately, the coerced mind doesn't acknowledge these warnings, just like they didn't acknowledge the warnings in the beginning, by then she was worn down. He had convinced her that she was the problem, that if she would just shut up and let him make the decisions everything would be fine. Making sure everyone thought she was a demanding, immature brat he isolated her. People didn't call her anymore. They didn't invite her to go places with them.
When they were together in public he made sure everyone knew who was in control. While she quietly sat beside him he told his buddies, "Our hotel in Hawaii is going to be right on the beach so if we want to invite chicks in, it will be easy." Tears eyes burned behind her eyes trying to force their way out. Her throat choked down a gasp. And she looked down avoiding eye contact with anyone in the room and was silent.
Without talking to her about it he signed up to join the Air Force and didn't invite her to his going away party. Through Basic Training she heard nothing. Finally a letter came with the date and time he would be home on leave before taking off again. When he came to pick her up he criticized her for her letter writing, "When a guy is away he doesn't want to read about the stupid things you do every day, or what you and your girlfriends are doing. A guy wants to hear what you are going to do when he is home again."
Yes, he said that. And yes, when she talked to him after all these years she would remind him: Life wasn't a Nicholas Sparks movie. It was real and it was painful and real people didn't run to each other after 38 years like nothing had happened with the woman holding the man tenderly in her arms as he died with a smile on his face content that at the end they were reunited. There is a reason people break up and find other people.
The last humiliation she suffered was standing beside the Christmas tree at his parents' house with his family gathered around holding cameras. He presented her with an engagement ring while they snapped pictures of 'the happy couple'. She wanted to die. In her room, alone, later that night she cried herself to sleep, "How was she going to get out of this?" Fortunately, he left for the base and with the help of a few friends and family she wrote him a letter and never saw him again.
Why now after all these years did he want to call her? Did he want to talk to her one last time again to apologize for what he had done? Was he trying to make amends before he went? Or did he have some delusion that they had shared a wonderful 2 years together and had some bittersweet idea that she would acknowledge, "She had never loved anyone else since then and was sad that they would only have this short time left together."
Instead she bought a nice card and wrote a short note inside. "I am sorry to hear that you are ill. I hope that you are not suffering and that you have family and friends who will be there for you."
