FORMAL APOLOGY TO MY REPUBLICAN FRIENDS
(The following is a composite family of real life people that I know. These people actually exist but because they are ashamed of their actions I promised I would alter their story slightly so they would not be recognized. Meet Mary and her loser family.)
Dear Republican family members and friends.
I am 65 now and am living in the spare bedroom of my daughter's house. I am crying as I write because I am filled with shame and I now see the error of my ways and you were right all along. I wish I had listened to you and I am deeply sorry for being the burden to society that I have been. I beg for your forgiveness and apologize. I only hope that through my story other misguided people will change their ways before it is too late. Please feel free to share my story with anyone you think could benefit from my mistakes.
It was so stupid of me to allow myself to become laid off from my job when the plant closed. I should have seen it coming. Management told us just 6 months before that business was doing well and gave us bonus checks BUT I should have started looking for a job right then. I should have realized that the CEO's absences and frequent trips to China and India spelled my doom. I should have realized when the executives in the plant bought brand new cars and homes that the plant was failing. It's my fault for not recognizing the signs. I should have looked for a new job but I was laid off and my job is now being done in China somewhere. At 58 it was hard to find a new job but that's my fault and I thought I could count on my 401K and investments to get me through any difficulties. I know the crash of 2008 was my fault too. I should have known I invested in the wrong companies so my house was foreclosed on a month before I found work as a waitress. It was tough on a 58 year old body but I have no one but myself to blame. Fortunately, after many discussions my daughter and son-in-law allowed me to live in their spare bedroom in exchange I am their baby sitter, errand runner, laundress, cook, shopper and I do light housekeeping.
My son in law is such a wonderful man, so smart and such a good job. He's an engineer. Well, he was. He was laid off last year and now a nice young woman from Egypt does his job because she isn't as greedy and doesn't ask for much salary. The company tells her she should be grateful or they won't renew her visa. A year later he has had only 2 interviews and is thinking of wallpapering the garage with rejection letters about how he isn't quite qualified for the job. I don't know where he went wrong, I guess that wasn't quite the right Master's Degree.
My daughter is a teacher. Every year they tell her not to come back and then 2 weeks before school starts they ask her to come back, but only part time. Budget cuts you know. Her uncle (you may know him, he is an investment banker and goes to all the Republican meetings in town) told her when she went to college that she should get an engineering degree or a finance degree because teaching isn't a good field. She was so dumb. I think she regrets it now. She told him, "But uncle if everyone has an engineering degree or a finance degree who will teach your children? Who will be the lab tech when you go to the doctor? How can everyone have the same job?" And he rightly told her, "That's is not my problem." So I apologize for not raising her properly. Stupidly I raised her to pursue the career she was passionate about. And now she is mooching off the government getting food stamps to supplement our grocery bill. I am ashamed of us all.
I am looking for a new job because due to my laziness the restaurant I worked at closed- there were not enough customers. All of my co-workers at the plant haven't been going there anymore because they are sitting at home eating lobster they bought with their SNAP money and watching The Price Is Right on cable they pay for with their unemployment checks. All of them do that, every single one of them. Not a single one is getting off their butt and looking for work. This used to be a nice town until we got selfish and insisted on good pay for our labor at the plant. I don't blame the CEO for closing the plant. He had to think of his family and the private schools and the vacation home and how could he pay for that if he had to pay those ridiculous wages we asked for? His wife might have had to go get a job. If I could go back in time I would not ask for any raise. I should have been grateful for what I had.
Hopefully I will find work soon so that I can pay those nice people at the hospital where my husband died. I can't believe he was stupid enough to get cancer when our medical benefits were reduced due to his refusal to work harder at the mine. It's not the mine's fault. How were they to know those pipes were leaking gas? They can't think of everything.
I am sure I will get called for an interview soon at 7/11 and be able to start work. I hear they promise 25 hours a week! That will help but I am sorry I can't give back the social security I am blessed to receive. I really do need it. The cost of my blood pressure medicine is really high and the doctor says I can only use the name brand, the generic isn't as good.
Please except my apologies for mooching off the social security system. I always thought that I had been paying into the fund but I understand we need to defend our country and you need the money now for bombs and weapons in the Middle East. I wish I had listened to you when I was younger. But I foolishly listened to the union leaders. Well, at least we don't have to worry about those nasty unions anymore, they are almost gone.
Again, I am very sorry for the burden I am putting on society and I am deeply ashamed that I didn't work hard enough or plan as well as you did.
Mary
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