(Fact-finders reportedly have clicked on this while reading the following breaking news)
In honor of International Women's Day, Brexit PM May had invited Trump on March 8 to a traditional British cuisine, prepared by Gordon Ramsay, at her residence on 10 Downing Street.
As Trump waited for the main course and eyeing pussies to grab from May's high-heeled staff, FOX News personality, Sandra Smith, who, according to alternative facts, gets aroused whenever anyone addresses her by her acronym, asked Trump what Gordon was cooking in the kitchen.
Into the camera, Trump smiles and waves his hands, saying, "I know my fellow Americans would like me to say Dinah. Love that song. My all time favorite as a kid, when I really worked hard to stop the bullies at school. As president, I can guarantee an end to bullying. My wall will ensure that. We all know that the main cause of bullying are the children of those Mexicans, and they're going to school illegally. Your state taxes pay for that. Together with Betsy DeVos, I'm going to change that. And we're also going to demand that radical states, like California, revoke their driver's licenses."
Trump and everyone else in the room are suddenly startled by shouting in the kitchen:"Are you a bloody idiot! You fry it on the skin side first..."
Trump smiles and gesticulates widely with his hands, saying, "That's how you run a business." For a moment the camera picks up on Trump loosing his train of thoughts. His brow wrinkles beneath the hair, and then he shows his teeth: "But the fact is, as we all know, there is no way in hell that we enslaved anyone ever, even to work on railroads, the Indians wanted us to build to modernize God's own country and make America great. And those aren't real indians at that Dakota pipeline. They're nothing but low-life terrorists. That's a good pipeline. Makes America great again. I keep my promises."
Trump briefly pauses, his eyes lustfully wandering down to between Sandra Smith's legs... and then with an exagerated nasal gesture, says, "Oh, do you smell, that, SS? Fish and Chips, served oily on the latest Washington Post.
"Bad paper. As bad as the New York Times. They spread lies. I should have been president instead of Nixon. But I was a kid then, you know. Not my fault. But even then I knew that the evil Washington Post lied. That's the truth. Not my fault. Brexit? Good stuff, you know. I laud its good people. Brexit is a good country, and the queen, she's a good one. Like her signature. Almost as good as mine. May showed it to me, after she signed Article 50. Good article, though didn't have the time to read it, it was so clear. Bad Scotland, up north. New York Times, again, you know. Probably CNN and the Post too. They're spreading lies, telling those very few who shamedly read that trash that Scotland wants to secede from the Union and move to Europe. I mean what kind of stupid idea is that? It would take a lot of bulldozers to move all that land. People will die. I like Lincoln. Gave May here some good stuff from Lincoln. He didn't let the North secede. But he got a lot wrong because of the New York Times. Someone with a lot of facts told me that. Also showed me, when he took me beneath my Trump Tower -- good food there, you should try it -- the subway, how the underground railroad could never have been tunneled from Alabama to Canada back then. Didn't have the technology. That's a fact. See, just more lies. They've got a real underground railroad over here. Goes clear over to France. May will tell you. And like us in America, no slaves were used to build it. They ought to buld a wall there. Know how to do that. Mostly rapists and murderers sneaking in. May and I have lots to discuss on that, as well as NATO and trade.
"Oh, here comes Mr. Ramsay."
"Fish and Trips for Trump and May," said Gordon Ramsay, as he expertly sashayed into the dining hall with two large servings steaming from their respective newspapers on silver platters, one in each hand.
"Love that accent," Trump said to May. "Always have."
"You did say Fish and Chips?" asked May warily.
"If you say so, Madam," responded Gordon, as he hurriedly exited to let the two savor the delicacy.
For five days, there are no tweets from Trump. May is reportedly at a secret location until the end of March.
On the Ides of March, Trump tweets, "As a kid, I was the king of bullies in schoolyards, and today I'm a pussy-grabbing, fucking lying, cheating, greedy asshole of a narcissistic sociopath. That's the truth. I'd like to resign. No, I want to hear someone tell me: 'You're fired!' So go ahead and impeach me. I'll fall bleeding to the steps for my treasonable offenses. I deserve that. So does my entire staff, including VP Pence, and a few dozen of my colleagues on Capitol Hill. I'll name names and facts in my next tweet."
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Chef Gordon had purposely served this species of the Bream fish, also known as the "Fish that Makes Dreams", which reportedly was sometimes used by Romans to induce very long hallucinogenic trips that may reveal inconvenient truths. Some suggest it might have led to the Ides of March.
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When later asked to comment, Gordon said, “Ironic isn’t it. The world is in a whole other place, thanks to the dreams from a fish.”
“What's your next assignment?”
“Been asked to cook for Putin.”
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