dear jane1

Dear Jane,

A mutual friend of ours asked me if I would make an effort to be your friend again a couple of weeks ago and I have been seriously thinking about it. You know me and how I want so badly for human beings to get along, to be able to learn to compromise and understand each other. I set about reaching out to folks in my life and on line. I started going to conservative sites to try to learn what I was missing, is there common ground? There has to be, after all we humans have the same needs, don’t we? I read comments from people on news items and tried to see if I could understand why. WHY would any human, let alone a woman vote for #45? No matter how hard I try I, personally, cannot understand why a woman can vote for a man who is publically on record that his fame and wealth afford him the right to grab any woman’s pussy. Funny how he has made pussy a household word, isn’t it? That a president made it ok to discuss grabbing women’s pussies.... kind of boggles my mind. I found out there are 3 categories of women, those who:

  • Find this abhorrent.
  • Don’t believe he actually said, you now, that ‘Fake News’ thing.
  • Think it’s just something, ‘all men do’, locker room talk.

I guess you must fall into the last 2 categories and you may tell me that I have no right to put you into a category and I agree it isn’t right to put people into categories. I am really conflicted about how our friendship has come to the place it is. I thought you were a gentle caring person. We have known each other since we were 13 and 14 and all these years I thought you were an open and accepting person, accepting of people from all walks of life. BUT because you support a man who puts Blacks, Latinos (murderers), Gays, and Women (she’s a 10 or a 5) into categories it must follow that privately you also put people into categories. How else can you justify your support of a Muslim ban? (Safety and security? Yet, facts show that most criminals are American born. Do you realize that some of these refugees risked their lives to give information to our soldiers and were promised safe passage to our country?)

I have been told that Trans is choice by many 45 supporters. That they should go to the bathroom of the gender on their birth certificate. Is this ok with you? I have to assume it is because you posted it on your wall. And when you say the insults you do about immigrants? How can you? You and I were a group of immigrant kids at school, remember? Or has it been too long for you to remember how the kids asked ridiculous questions about our home country, ‘is there electricity in your country?’ How they made fun of how we talked? But you say, “We did it properly.” What an arrogant thing to say! Why are you supporting programs that separate adults from children when they are trying to enter the country illegally at the southern border?

And this? This administration voted to allow severely mentally ill people to buy guns! Why would you find this acceptable? I don’t understand you. You are not the person I thought you were and I feel that I was deceived. Have you always been unconcerned about your friends, your neighbors or co-workers? Did I just not see that part of you?


Can I ask you why you are ok with people drinking polluted water? Because 45 “signed legislation that nullified a recent regulation prohibiting surface-mining operations from dumping waste in nearby waterways, said he was eager to support coal miners who had backed his presidential bid. “The miners are a big deal,” he said Thursday. “I’ve had support from some of these folks right from the very beginning, and I won’t forget it. Hey, Jane, I get it, I do, we all want people to have jobs. But if the water they drink when they come home from work makes them sick, is the job worth it? Speaking of jobs, I declined to discuss your comment about how you are tired of moochers living off the system and that you “worked hard for everything you have and you don’t have sympathy for lazy people”. (There’s that putting people into categories again). Do you believe that all people who receive government assitance are lazy and won’t take responsibilities for themselves? Well, let me tell you about a friend we have in common. He’s too embarrassed to tell you but he didn’t retire willingly and he doesn’t really like his part time job at Subway. What really happened is that his job was exported to India and his pension that he planned to live on was reduced because he was not allowed to work the full 20 years, he was laid off at 19 years and now has a reduced pension. Did you know our friend NEVER missed a day of work? He has heard your view of those who receive assistance and he’s ashamed to admit to you that he receives food stamps to supplement his food bill. “In the U.S., over 4.8 million low-income adults over age 60 rely on SNAP to stay healthy and make ends meet. On average, they receive $108 per month to help put food on the table.” Do you have any idea how hurt he was when you made your wise-ass comment about moochers who buy lobster with food stamps?

old woman

I have a family member who is gay, one who couldn’t afford health care without the ACA, three who have pre-existing conditions, two who work in industries that are dangerous and need the government safety regulations to keep them safe, and four who are immigrants. Guess what? You also know them but they are ashamed to tell you this about themselves because of things you have said.

You may have figured out by now that I’m not ready to be friends again, not until you explain to me how you can allow our government to deny these people are fair chance in life. Oh, I forgot, ‘fair’ is a place they have rides and sell cotton candy. (That’s a quote from you.) I can’t sit across a table from you, smile and pass you the bread dish because in my heart I would feel shallow, because by pretending to be okay with your support of 45 and an administration that is taking away the right to health care, to safe drinking water, to entering a bathroom they feel comfortable in, to a decent job, to the social security they paid into their entire working lives, I am giving you the message that I condone your decision to deny these things to our fellow friends and to our fellow citizens. I have seen your true self and I am sad.

This is NOT like when you voted for both Bushes, or McCain or Romney. We could joke about that- they were sane, reasonable candidates but 45 is a 'born into wealth', self-admitted sexual predator who is on record for cheating and lying and yes, “he’s doing what he said he would" and I am heartbroken that you think that’s a good thing. As I write this your party has just told the American public that 20 million will no longer be able to have health care, that they are going to have to ‘choose between a cell phone and health care’ while giving health insurance executives who earn more than $500,000 per year a tax break.  This, despite the fact that the AMA (actual letter from the AMA here.) and AARP  have voiced their disapproval of the new GOP health care plan. But I guess they just should have planned for their future better, like you did, because you have always made the right decisions, Right? (Don’t forget we have known each other for a very long time and you and I both know you have not always made the best decisions).

sad woman

No, and it hurts me to say this but I’m not ready to be friends again. I will take the advice you offered on your own Face Book wall.


Deborah Baron

Deborah Baron

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