Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump

Is fun-time over? Has the populace come to its senses, begun to recover from that three-season flirtation with intoxicating radicalism? Has free-wheeling, non-specific, hit-and-miss promised governance run its course? Is avuncular, grumpy, Euro-style, cradle-to-the-grave pampering passé? The old American center soon should be rolling in from the right and left edges of disastrous politics. The U.S. always has disdained extremism in its politics. (Just ask Barry Goldwater) Iowa and New Hampshire seem to have become the instigators toward a needed return to moderate standards in this election.

For month upon month, we have been horrified, mystified and thoroughly amused by the antics of a bored businessman who decided to amuse himself with the American political process. He was so not-serious from the start that he rented a crowd to cheer his Greek-god descent from the innards of one of his many ego-constructed amphitheaters. He was so casual about what he knew was to be a very short stint in the faux limelight that immediately he began with a thumb in the eye of one of the groups that would be essential for the election of the next president. Heaping upon the hubris developed therefrom, carelessly he belittled the military service of a senator with superhero status. After failing in these initial suicide attempts, and being surrounded by adoring crowds assembling on their own, unsolicited volition, he began to think, “Hey, maybe...”

As fun-fantasy began to transition into full reality, the newly, naughtily anointed began to mow down vulnerable members of the opposition. He steamrollered a salty senator from South Carolina by supplying his cellphone number to the general public. After being steamrollered by a female debate questioner, he later denigrated her gender with a withering, female-specific comment. Despite all of this, his poll numbers began to rise, seemingly in inverse proportion as that of his opponents. A former governor of Texas, sporting new specs, who foolishly attacked him, was ridiculed for attempting to appear intelligent, and promptly was dispatched back to the Lone Star State. The more outrageous the conduct, the less offensive became the negative criticism. Thus, the Teflon Don rolled on.

A grouchy, Jewish septuagenarian, belonging to neither of the two major parties – but relating his socialism more to the Democrats – seems to have gotten a bug, and decided to use the uncrowded space of the Democratic primary to air our his closely held but-too-slippery-for-the-mainstream, far-left liturgy. Much like his flamboyant opposite-number from the opposite party, with seeming disdain the press and public alike, the grousing, old, loveable mensch knew that he had better hurry and regurgitate his standard, decades—worn-but-to-him true philosophy on how the U.S. should squeeze itself into one of those ill-fitting, socialist-designed Euro suits of politics. His belief is fervent, but he understands the American body-politic well enough to know that his flaky, interregnum push of fancy is just that – pure fairy dust. He wanted just enough space and time to allow this quickie last-hurrah before ceding the stage to America’s Grande Dame of Politics. She, the Inevitable, soon would make her entrance, give him the back of her hand, then be off to destroying forever that damned, formerly impenetrable glass ceiling. But, “What’s this?” As the doyenne dawdles he begins experiencing the adoring cries of halls, then stadiums -- a new generation, entranced by his tales of a magical kingdom, where one could live unencumbered by the oppression of the evil rich. The intoxication is so strong that he deludes himself into thinking that maybe, just maybe, America might be ready to elect an ancient, Red, Hebraic relic!

ÉMINENCE GRISE: OK, Mister Wise-ass, Now that The Bern and The Don have taken New Hampshire, how does that fit with your oh-so-clever, above analysis? Can’t you see that America yearns for a change from the hum-drum that it wants to spread its wings and experience a new reality, unshackled to the past?

WRITER: Can’t you see, Mr. Grey-ass, that even if Donald Trump survives the primary process, he has so badly damaged himself' with Latino voters that his chances of winning the presidency practically are nil?

ÉMINENCE GRISE: Yeah? Well, that shows how, much you know, Smarty Pants. Didn’t you hear the Donald say, over and over, that the Hispanics love him? Didn’t you see that Latina gal from South America that he called to the stand? She switched her hips and said, “Ah lahve Meester Trromp"!

WRITER: Well, she isn’t quite representative of the U.S. Latino voter class. He also says the Muslims love him. Guess they will have to remain unrequited until he decides to let them into the country.

ÉMINENCE GRISE: See, you’re just like the Democrats and the liberal press. Just because a guy wants to make America better, and tells the truth about the Spics and Ragheads – without all of that political correctness bullshit – you want to put him down and say he’s unfit for the general election.

WRITER: Whoa, whoa, Mr. Grise! Even he isn’t that explicit in his ethnic and religious bias! You are also forgetting his persistent and nonsensical birtherism against the current president. That type of tomfoolery certainly would come back and haunt him during a general election.

ÉMINENCE GRISE: You are not taking into account the overwhelming number of Americans who would disregard those slight excesses of such a potentially great leader.

WRITER: Potentially great leader?! The guy has not specified any point of leadership espoused by himself or suggested by his opponents. He speaks only in generalities and feel-good claptrap. In contrast, his potential opposite number is all specificity.

ÉMINENCE GRISE: Oh, so now I see where you’re coming from! You’re saying the Democrat front-runner, who wants to give the country away, is America’s Darling, huh?

WRITER: Quite to the contrary. As improbable as it may seem, neither of the two top leaders being pushed by either party is a practical candidate for the U.S. presidency. It appears the primary voter-base, so far, has decided to use its positioning to jar the rest of the country into paying more attention to the basic needs of the American people, and to regard with more skepticism the CYA and elect-me tactics forthcoming from the majority of politicians. No, the general populace is not going to run all the way to the port or starboard side of the Good Ship USA and take a chance of going overboard.

ÉMINENCE GRISE: What are you saying, then; that neither of the New Hampshire winners has a chance to win the general?

WRITER: Even with all the snow through which the voters had to trudge up there – not a snowman’s chance in hell!

***** ***** *****

Though snow in New Hampshire was there,

And e’en thogh the weather was fair,

Election or darts,

They know in their hearts,

Neither Trump or Grump have a prayer.

Curtis W. Long

Curtis W. Long

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