Politics

I’LL SEE YOUR TAPING, AND RAISE YOU A LAPEL MICRO-MINI

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White House as a reel to reel

INTERVIEWER: Mr. President, you have created a big storm by the way in which you so summarily dispatched the FBI Director.

POTUS: What’s the big deal? That’s the way to handle a showboater. Both parties hate him, and his fellow agents couldn’t wait to get rid of him.

INTERVIEWER: Even those who were in disagreement with the director chafed at the manner in which he was dismissed.

POTUS: What do you mean?

INTERVIEWER: They wonder why you did not summon the director to the White House, explain to him your decision, and allow him the courtesy of resigning.

POTUS: We had already talked. As a matter of fact, he muscled in on a dinner at the White House. What was I gonna do? The guy came over to beg for his job. I told him he had screwed up royally by letting Crooked Hillary off the hook, and for trying to connect me to the Russian thing. He seemed repentant enough, so I told him I would keep him on as long as I could depend upon is loyalty. He smiled and said, “Ja wohl,” so I thought everything was cool.

INTERVIEWER: There are reported accounts that differ from yours, Mr. President.

POTUS: So, what else is new? There always are; what can I tell you? The fake-news media hates me. They always take what I say and blow it out of proportion – by quoting me exactly, word-for-word. They never take the time to interpret what I might mean; that is to say, they could be missing another thought of mine that may not be that obvious. Just because a fella says something, it doesn’t necessarily stand that that is what he means. He could have a completely different interpretation in mind. Do you see what I mean?

INTERVIEWER: Uh, not exactly...

POTUS: There you are! That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Nobody listens anymore. They just take what a fella says and run with it. That’s why I’m thinking of getting rid of the daily press conference. They’re just a pain in the ass. They do the same thing with my spokespeople. I send ‘em out there, and just because they can’t explain my latest Twitter comment, everybody gets all up in arms. When I first got in, I threatened to herd ‘em all into a cowshed. But, I’m at the point, now, where I don’t want ‘em around at all. I’m thinking, now, about issuing a daily communications sheet. That way, I don’t have to put up with them questioning my motives, with all of that mean back and forth.

INTERVIEWER: But, Mr. President, that is practically unconstitutional.

POTUS: Unconstitutional?! I’ll tell you what’s unconstitutional – having to listen to those witnesses, day after day, throwing mean darts in my direction. Don’t they know that I have feelings? How can they sit up there and contradict me, time after time?! You want to know what’s unconstitutional? That’s Unconstitutional!

INTERVIEWER: Getting back to your conversations with the former FBE Director, Mr. President, you intimate that you might have a recording of those conversations – your term was, “tape recordings.”

POTUS: There you go again, picking up on every little thing I say. Well, that’s it; I’m not going to talk about that anymore.

INTERVIEWER: But, Mr. President, you have announced to the world that you may have a recording system in the White House.

POTUS: That’s right; let ‘em stew – especially that damned, ex-FBI Director, who is blabbering his version of our conversation all over the place. He’d better get his story straight!

INTERVIEWER: Mr. President, there are reports that FBI agents, as an interview back-up, routinely use an invisible, lapel-based, micro-mini, digital recorder.

POTUS: Whaddaya mean?

INTERVIEWER: In gaming parlance, Mr. President, it appears as though your, “Taping bluff” has been called by a, “Digital reality.”

Curtis W. Long

Curtis W. Long

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